Big Brother

06.17.17

This is a memory of someone close to my heart; someone I identify as a good friend of mine. In my twenty years, I have seen people come and go. Without a doubt, each one of them has left an impact on my life, one way or another; in their own different ways. But this someone is uniquely different; he is someone I have never met; someone I only have contact through social media.

I remember first interacting with him in a Pokemon video game and since we wanted to play again in the future, we decide to add each other as friends on Facebook. We usually talk about Pokemon but we talk about each other as well. He was like a big brother to me—a brother who would check on his little brother and give the latter  some good advice and encouragements. He reminded me to do the things I enjoy and love because time, he said, is unforgiving; prepare for the future, he said, but live in the now!

We talk for about two or three times every one or two weeks because I was busy then and he himself had something going on during that time. I still feel as surprised now as the time he posted a photo of himself lying in a hospital bed. Apparently, he had a heart problem. I have never met him personally but it was hard for me since he was someone I feel I was close with. It pains me that all I could do back then was pray and greet him in text, to go get well soon and to stay healthy, because until now I still think those things did nothing and that I am hopeless. I feel more pathetic when I think that during his final days, it was him who did the encouraging and he was the one making me laugh with his silly jokes. My problem was that I did not know how to encourage someone who has already accepted his fate so I just told him honestly about it. He told me it was worthless talking about himself anyway so he then asked me to just tell him more about myself. I remember telling him I wasn’t the best guy when it comes to time management and setting out my priorities. He said he was also the same as I was and he regretted having said he never had time for a lot of things before, especially now that he was left with no more time at all.

At the time we last talked, he told me only 30% remains of his heart’s functionality and yet we never talked about him because he said he hated sadness and goodbyes. And so he continued giving me counsel and encouragement. Ever since, he has been one of the very few persons to have heavily affected my perspective on life. That is why I regret not having been able to say goodbye. He left the world alone as he had wanted. Now his memory is a reason for me not to regret all the things life has to offer. Although my human tendency makes me forget his advice sometimes, I want to assure him at least that they will always be in my heart.

So rest well big brother and thank you for calling me your baby bro. I sure loved having a brother in you as well!

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